


Oaks May Fall

by Cleothare



Category: Naruto
Genre: Gen, Monologue, Or heartless, Pro Sasuke, Sasuke feels, Sasuke is not a villain, he literally mentions Naruto the most and so I tagged Naruto, in the wrong ways, justifications, maybe he feels too much, poor sasuke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2019-04-08 13:44:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14106666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cleothare/pseuds/Cleothare
Summary: A look into Sasuke's mind about leaving the village. Sasuke contemplates what drove him to leave Konoha, what set him on his path.Set during time skip. Essentially a monologue.





	Oaks May Fall

**Author's Note:**

> For a friend who requested, more or less: "I want you to write me something that displays something human about Sasuke after he turns dark/let's you into his mind. Like all these things [that] are perhaps touched on in the series but not explored. I want to hear some Sasuke inner monologue/ perspective for once that makes me feel like he's not a total douchebag that makes me angry"

Oaks may fall when reeds stand the storm. - Proverb

 

Part of Sasuke wished he could see things as simply as Kabuto could. Black and white, night and day, for Orochimaru or not at all. It certainly would have made things easier to have a smaller, in-the-moment goal like Kabuto than to have this ever-present, goal driving him like his life depended on it. His life _didn't_ , he tried to remind himself sometimes. He _could_ walk away and back into Konoha's arms at any time if he wished. Truth be told, he wished he could, but he knew it was more complicated than simply 'going home,' as Naruto was so set on asking him to do. As if he could simply walk away from his burdens and take up the life of a Konoha ninja again at the drop of a shuriken.

What Sasuke knew, that Naruto obstinantly refused to accept, of which Sakura claimed ignorance, and that Kakashi avoided acknowledging was the bitter history Sasuke had forcing his hand and his path. Sasuke had, at one point, thought that Kakashi had understood. He seemed to grasp the need - because it wasn't just a 'want'  to go after Itachi that Sasuke had, it was more than that; deeper. That man, his own _brother_ had murdered his entire family, every single loved one Sasuke had ever known; his entire support system and training friends; his neighbors, his grandparents, the woman down the street who gave him the extra, not-fit-for-sale buns each day on his way to school. Itachi had done more than kill his family; he had murdered a lifetime and a way of life. In an instant Sasuke's entire world had changed and then his brother had had the torturous mind to leave Sasuke behind. Left like some unwanted plaything, left to jump and dance at his brother's words, and to live a life in solitary.

Sing what praises you may about Konoha's ninja and how great they are, Sasuke knew that part of what gave them their edge was their abilities to function as both independents and part of a team. Most of what gave them this edge was not superior training, as the Hokage liked to imply on his strolls through the schools. (Sasuke remembered these visits in a haze from his days as an academy student. Days when the Hokage and his entourage would come to the classrooms and speak of the glory of being a ninja and the myriad of things that set Konoha apart from the other villages. "Dedication, Independence, Teamwork, and Loyalty! That is what makes Konoha strong. That is the Will of Fire!" As an adult Sasuke  scoffed at this bit, though he appreciated how effective such a pride in the village was at churning out useful members of society. As a child he and the other kids had only really thought of these days as freebies from their tests and homework, but it affected them nonetheless.) 

No, most of the edge that Konoha's ninja had over their opponents came from their own abandonments. Sasuke had done his research; looked into support for orphans (he hated that term; wished there were something closer to the word widower, but for one who had lost a life before it had started) when he was newly alone, and even as a child there was a growing dread in the pit of his stomach at the solutions the village had for their orphans. He had found it hard to feel bad for anyone else when the village's unofficial stance on orphans was to let them essentially squat in abandoned homes while supplying them with electricity and a meager stipend for food and clothes. Sasuke had had it easy, almost, living in the compound and off his parent's police checks (they had never stopped coming, despite their deaths. Sasuke had assumed it was the village's way to apologize for being unable to 'crack the case' on who committed the crime) rather than one of the old apartment buildings with the other leftovers. Then again, Sasuke had enough self-awareness to know that he probably had it worse, being effectively left to live or die in the rooms in which his world had imploded upon itself.

From a young age the children of Konoha were trained to become ninja. Singled out, left to become only dependent on themselves, and then told in school that _teamwork_ was the only way they could or would survive. It was a surprisingly effective system, and Sasuke owed a certain amount of his talent to this dichotomy in training. By leaving the urchins to fend for themselves and to become independent forces of their own, the village was able to spout only the Good Word of teamwork and compassion to their people. The Village praised teamwork; the individual policies required independence. The Village got both through any means.

 

Sasuke hoped that eventually Team 7 would understand what he was doing, what had to be done.

Sakura would have the hardest time, having come from a civilian family and only ever having known the world of compassion, understanding, and working _with_ others for the greater good. Poor, sweet Sakura who probably still loved him and was too blind to see that they would never be able to function if he were to acquiesce to her dreams. Sasuke knew this; had known this from the very beginning. Sakura was a glowing warmth, a sweet light that was soothing to the soul, but Sasuke knew he could never give her anything remotely similar in return. He had done the gentlest thing he could think of, leaving her on that bench on the night he left. He couldn't bear to do anything else in either direction.

Naruto would not understand either. There had been a moment, when Sasuke and Naruto were fighting as he was leaving the village that he thought it would _click_. Naruto had been abandonded too. Naruto had been ignored by a village that wanted nothing to do _with_ him, but everything _from_ him. Naruto had literally seen the same things Sasuke had seen on their missions, and had reacted in very similar ways to danger and death as Sasuke had.

But Sasuke had miscalculated.

Naruto was on the up; he was gaining friends and family with every turn. Sakura might have railed long and hard on Naruto, but it did not escape anyone's attention that she often would bring him extra mochi and onigiri once she discovered his eating habits. Kakashi might 'gently' tease his protegés, but Naruto lit up whenever Kakashi ruffled his hair or dusted him off after a fall, and Sasuke had noticed Kakashi specifically making efforts to slide into reach whenever Naruto was trying something new at which was liable to fail.

Naruto was not ever going to fully understand Sasuke's need to avenge, because he had never, ever lost like Sasuke had. Naruto had certainly had it hard as the jinchuuriki, but he had no memories of his family beforehand. He had never known a community until Team 7. Sasuke had tried to explain on certain occasions; Late at night when they were on missions and camping, sharing the watch while Kakashi and Sakura slept.

They had quietly and vulnerably shared their secrets and marveled at the fact they had found a little home with Team 7. Whispered to each other their hopes and dreams and fears and faults without reproach or laughter. Sasuke grew to understand Naruto's dream of becoming Hokage, and what drove him beyond his need to be acknowledged by the village. Naruto had learned the broader strokes of Sasuke's story, and had gleaned more from the details Sasuke had pointedly left out. Sasuke had seen the man that Naruto would become on those nights, and marveled at the drive that fueled him: heartache and self-doubt morphing by sheer force of will into compassion and confidence.

Sasuke had tried to model himself after Naruto on one or more occasions. Rather, he had attempted to channel the essence of the best parts of Naruto into a guiding force for himself, but had consistently failed. His drive always conflicted too much with Naruto's happy-go-lucky outlook to let anything cement into something useful or positive. 

The issue Sasuke faced was this: as awful and as manipulative as Konoha's teachings and lifestyles were, Sasuke truly believed in his heart that you _must_ put teamwork and compassion, love and family before all else. In the face of an enemy it was not the individual who could stand tall for long, but the many who could make a difference. The single reed would always break, but the bunch would hold forever.

How, then, could Sasuke possibly return to Konoha as he was? Growing stronger, but never strong enough. He was the epitome of the individual against the team. No; He knew better than to think of himself in those terms like black and white.

Sasuke had had a team: his family. They had been the unbreakable bundle of reeds, standing strong against anything and everything. But Itachi had ruined it. He had cut down the rest with his immeasurable power and left Sasuke alone and alive, but not ever really alive again. Sasuke was the last reed standing tall at the receding storm, daring it to come back. And so he was, and so he lived, preparing for the return of the hurricane, of his brother, of Haku, of the Sand nin, of any that dared to threaten him or his. He had had his bundle of reeds, and was the last one standing, so what could he do to protect their memories but become both the bundle and it's protector himself? He trained; grew stronger, more agile, and kept inching towards a strength he hoped could rival the storm. He grasped at loose reeds and pulled them into his protective reach: Naruto, Sakura, even Kakashi and those they held dear. He had always been his own pillar of strength, he could certainly do so for his family, even his new one.

And then, one day, he was not strong enough. Naruto, his most precious reed to protect, rivaled him for power - surpassed him really - and did so as if it were not the grand gesture it was. As if it were not the end of the world, cutting Sasuke down from his footing, slamming into him the force of the thought that he was no longer the backbone of his bunch of reeds. He was not the protector he needed to be, he was no longer the pilaster of his own universe, but instead the lesser, needing to be protected in his turn. A terrible fate that perhaps he could have accepted, if it were not so clearly visible that Naruto was not yet able to bear the burden of being anyone's rock. Sasuke had struggled with his mantle practically his whole life and would never wish that on anyone, let alone hopeless, wonderful, naiive Naruto.

So Sasuke did what he had almost forgotten he knew how to do; and took being cut down at his knees to use this sudden mobility in his anger, and fear, and hurt to pull himself back into his individual strength once more. He took his singularity and used it to chase the storm. Without Sasuke at the center, perhaps his family of reeds would realign with someone more suited to the pressure of being the protector. Kakashi, perhaps. Or Sakura, who had the innate talent to bring people together through love. So long as it was not Naruto. Not yet, at least.

Sasuke took his rediscovered, painful independence (what is a ninja who is not part of a team?) and his pliability in the face of roaring winds to follow a new path. Hopefully one that would lead him to a strength worthy of his family. He aimed to be a credit of the memory of his first and to be worthy of a position of protector for his second. He would find the individual storm that was his blood brother and cut him down to finally bring some peace to the restless souls of his clan. And if he had to bend a little to achieve this dream, then so be it. Worse things had happened than sacrificing the one reed for the bunch.

**Author's Note:**

> First off, I want to disclose that I am fully aware of the problematic/insensitive viewpoint Sasuke takes towards Naruto's traumas versus his own. I have A Lot Of Feelings about what Naruto went through and how it is treated in the canon and ignored when he 'becomes a hero.' I do, however, think that there is a world in which Sasuke does not think of these aspects of Naruto's life and justifies himself and his actions in this way, ignorant.
> 
> Let's talk if you want to!


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